


Waste Your Time

by Ghost_Writing



Series: It Started With Cadet Training [6]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bathing/Washing, Canon Universe, Canon-Typical Violence, Captain Reader, Commander Erwin Smith, Confessions, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Is Alive, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Hurt Mike Zacharias, Hurt/Comfort, Levi Needs a Hug (Shingeki no Kyojin), Love Confessions, M/M, Medical, Medical Inaccuracies, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Not Canon Compliant, Other, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory, Pre-Canon, Series, Showers, everyone is polyamorous, sfw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:28:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29297400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghost_Writing/pseuds/Ghost_Writing
Summary: The Commander's threat of retirement hung heavily over your head and somehow it managed to destroy your resolve. Did you make it worse by telling him that Erwin should be promoted? Or did you manage to finally cure the ache in your heart?Read "Coward" first / the series!
Relationships: Erwin Smith/Reader, Hange Zoë/Reader, Levi Ackerman & Erwin Smith & Mike Zacharias & Hange Zoë, Levi Ackerman & Erwin Smith & Mike Zacharias & Hange Zoë & Original Character(s), Levi Ackerman & Erwin Smith & Mike Zacharias & Hange Zoë & Reader, Levi Ackerman/Erwin Smith/Mike Zacharias/Hange Zoë, Levi Ackerman/Erwin Smith/Mike Zacharias/Hange Zoë/Original Character(s), Levi Ackerman/Erwin Smith/Mike Zacharias/Hange Zoë/Reader, Levi Ackerman/Reader, Levi/Reader, Miche Zacharias/Reader, Mike Zacharias/Reader
Series: It Started With Cadet Training [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2141619
Comments: 8
Kudos: 44





	Waste Your Time

The Commander’s threat of retirement still loomed over your head as you paced the Scout barracks over the next two months. There wasn’t a moment of peace you were allowed during the entire endeavour as you were constantly pulled into his office to ask for battle strategies or who you’d promote. Each time you shot him down. Each time you left his office in a huff.

At the same time, one of the other Captain’s found out about your squad sleeping in your room. You suppose it was out of jealously due to the fact the Commander was giving you “special attention” that word of the behaviour found its way to the Commander’s ears. It didn’t help much when he used the threat of banishing your squad from your quarters if you didn’t answer. Calling his bluff, you wound up sleeping alone.

Looking back, you probably should’ve given him an answer. The feeling of guilt every time your squad looked at you during training or on missions was weighing down heavily on your shoulders. Even as you rode back into town, another failed mission behind you, you could feel their eyes on your back.

Your horse clopped across the street towards the barracks, following behind the Commander himself. The barracks finally came into view after what felt like ages of waiting, giving you the out to lead your horse to the stable. Unfortunately for you, the Commander followed after you.

“Captain (Y/N),” he cut through your thoughts, his tone demanding your attention as you lead your horse to its stall.

“Commander Keith Shadis,” you replied back, dignifying him only the return of his title.

“Do you have an answer for me, or are you going to continue to wallow in your own self-pity?”

You flinched at the words. Anger bubbling up in the pit of your stomach. How dare he say you were wallowing when he was retiring out of guilt.

“I cannot give you an answer, Commander, for the people I’d chose to take your place would make me seem biased,” you snap back, finally giving him more than a no.

“You trust your squad, Captain. Yet why haven’t I seen the same level of work these past weeks, as you’d previously displayed?”

“I’m not sure- perhaps you know the answer to that question better than I do. It was your decision in the first place,” you growl, walking towards the exit of the stables.

He grabs your bicep tightly, halting you from walking forwards.  
“Who would you choose? I’m not asking you as your friend, I’m asking you as your Commander, Captain.”

In one fluid motion, you spin on your heel and rip his hand from your bicep, gripping his wrist.  
“Erwin Smith. He’s far braver than you have ever been, and his strategies have kept my squad alive since cadet training. Satisfied?”

A small smile spreads across his face as you release his arm and turn to go.

“One can find himself satisfied when he is finally at peace.”

“One can find himself a coward, if that is his definition of peace,” you mutter, exiting the stable and storming across the yard towards the mess hall. Perhaps some tea could help clear your head.

Soldiers practically jumped out of your way as you stormed through the hall to the mess hall. Had you been looking behind yourself, you would’ve caught the Commander taking Erwin aside, but your attention was solely focused on the path ahead of yourself to the mess hall.

Thankfully, the mess hall had fewer people within it, mostly due to the fact that titan killing killed one’s appetite, even after a long mission. So you found yourself at the counter easily, watching the water boil away impatiently.

“Earl Grey, or Chai?” someone asked next to you, forcing you to jump out of your skin and turn to the man next to you.

The grumpy face of Levi met yours, holding up two tea bags in his hands as he waited impatiently. His usually neat hair had a slight slick to it, sticking to the sides of his head.

“Pa-pardon?”

“Earl Grey, or Chai?” he repeated, waiting for your response.

“Do they have camomile?” you ask quietly, trying desperately to cling to the confident anger you’d been sprouting earlier but failing miserably in the presence of your friend and former co-captain.

A brief thoughtful look crosses his face before he turns to the counter again, searching around for a moment as the tea kettle screams. With a sudden noise of accomplishment, he produces a small teabag.

“They do,” he says, coughing slightly and adjusting his ascot.

“Thank you, Levi,” you whisper quietly as he passes you two mugs to fill with hot water.

He says nothing in response but does pick up both of the teacups. Out of the corner of your eye, you watch him slightly flinch from the tiny extension of his arm.

“Levi?” you mumble quietly, moving to rest a hand on his sleeve, watching as it came back soaked in blood, “You’re bleeding.”

He looks at your hand before shaking his head and picking up the teacups.  
“I am not. You’re just going insane in your old age, (Y/N).”

You place a hand on his shoulder, stopping him just as he turns around to walk over to the table.  
“You need to bandage those wounds, Levi.”

“I’ll do it later. The tea will be cold by the time this conversation is even finished,” he huffs, brushing your hand off as he walks over to sit down with Hange and Mike who are engaged in animated chatter.

Reluctantly, you follow after him, taking a seat with your squad as you search for Erwin. You didn’t want to be jump scared by him, out of fear of him realizing that Levi wasn’t the only one injured. Your shoulder ached with every movement, all the way down to your hip.

Levi passes you your tea, and you remember to take it with your uninjured arm. Just so the others didn’t see. What would they say if they saw their captain injured?

However, your little charade didn’t last long due to the heavyweight practically falling onto the bench next to you, causing you to jump and throw your arm up, bringing tears to your eyes.

“Shit, sorry (Y/N), didn’t mean to startle you,” Erwin apologized, his eyes going wide at your reaction. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, (Y/N) are you okay?” Hange asks, leaning across the table.

“I’m fine, Erwin what kept you so long? Usually, you’re here the moment we come back,” you brush them off, turning your attention to the man who’d just dramatically collapsed next to you.

He sighs, leaning on the table with his head cradled in his hand.   
“I have good news, and I have bad news… which first?” 

“Bad news first,” Levi grumbles from your other side, almost done his tea.

“Don’t listen to him! Give us the good news first!” Hange protests, shooting Levi a glare.

“I’m not sure how good this is to everyone, but we can share a room with (Y/N) again,” Erwin states. Your eyes go wide at his words, you hadn’t expected to be taken seriously. Had the Commander already-  
“I’m… the Commander.”

A hush fell over the table as all eyes landed on Erwin. No one was really sure how to respond, and as you sat there, watching Erwin’s expression, you felt your heart sink. He looked distant at best as if this had been forced onto him. A role he did not want. Your fault.

“It’s not official until next tomorrow, but the Commander has told me to move my belongings into his room. That it’s mine now. I’m not sure I can replace him, he was brilliant and-”

“He was a coward,” you cut in, flinching as a wide-eyed Erwin turns to you. “H-he pestered me every day for the last two months on who to promote. I shot him down every time. Erwin, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to force you into this it’s-”

“I accepted him. You forced me into nothing. I should be thanking you, (Y/N)-” he reaches forwards, taking the side of your face gently in his hand,- “Because now I can stop watching Mike toss and turn at night, or Hange waking up screaming, or Levi making tea at two in the morning because he can’t sleep. Now I can see you four sleep peacefully together, rather than restlessly apart.”

There are no words that escape your lips as you stare back at him, they quiver open but no sound escapes as tears build up in the corner of your eyes. Your hand reaches up to rest on the side of his face as his features mimic yours when a shooting pain cuts through your shoulder. You yelp in pain before you can stop yourself.

“(Y/N)!” the four of them shout together at the sound, eyes quickly scanning over your body.

“I’m fine! I’m fine!” you protest as Erwin searches your arm for any damage.

“You’re bleeding,” he states flatly, his hand stopping near your shoulder blade.

“Levi’s bleeding too!” you protest, hoping the attention would shift away from you.

“So’s Hange and Mike, I can see the way that they restrict their movements,” Levi grumbles, setting down his teacup.

“Erwin’s no better! He’s been holding his head as blood has dripped down his hand this whole time!” Hange points out, the five of you staring at each other, all of you unsure of what to do at this point.

“Cadet! Fetch some medical equipment and have it delivered up to the Commander’s quarters,” Erwin barks at the nearest Scout who’d been staring at this exchange.

The scout stiffens with a nod before scurrying off as Erwin stands from the bench.

“The rest of you, up. We’re getting you cleaned off before someone passes out,” he orders, ushering you up as well.

There are a few grumbling protests across the table but with a stern glare, you’re all ushered to your feet and out of the mess hall. You feel like a disobedient child as Erwin walks next to you, keeping a hand out in case you fall.

He pushes the doors open to the Captain’s showers-the top floor held a communal shower for the captains, near their barracks- you’d never personally used them unless you were alone, you hadn’t showered with anyone since you’d been the same rank as the others.

The room is quiet apart from the shuffling of fabric as five wounded soldiers struggle to remove their clothes. There’s a curse to your right as Mike’s arm hangs uselessly at his side, his other hand fidgeting to unbutton the belts on his pants.

“Let me,” you mumble quietly, crouching down to unloop the belts around his legs.

“Thanks,” he whispers back quietly as you unloop the thick leather straps, letting them fall down.

“Get my shirt?” you whisper quietly, standing up as the last belt falls to the floor and turning so he can help you out of your shirt.

“Yeah sure,” he mumbles, sliding down the fabric down your arms with one hand. “(Y/N), what did you do?”

“Hit a tree,” you grumble as you struggle out of your pants.

He sighs, leaning forwards and placing a hand on your jaw.   
“(Y/N), I-” he whispers, brushing a tear from the corner of your eye.

“Come on you two, let’s get you cleaned up before you bleed out,” Levi grumbles, reaching up and dragging the two of you by the ear towards the shower.

“I can walk, Levi!” you protest as he drags you under the water where Hange and Erwin were arguing over what temperature to leave the shower at.

“Good, that means you can use your arms to wash the blood of yourself,” he grumbles, reaching up for the shampoo on the ledge, only for a whimper to leave his lips. It’s so quiet you almost miss it, yet your ears were tuned to watch for the small noises from him. 

Carefully, you take the shampoo from the shelf, clicking open the top. He glares up at you, staring daggers at the bottle of shampoo.

“Stop being such a brat and let me wash your hair,” you mutter, reaching out to squeeze shampoo on his head. He flinches at the contact, but doesn’t pull away.

“You don’t have to wash it for me, I can do it myself.”

“I know, but I can get the back of your head better than you can right now, so just let me help… please?”

He opens his mouth to argue more, hesitating for a moment before closing it again. Satisfied, you start to run your fingers through his hair.

Levi stands there, staring at your chest as you carefully wash his hair out. The water’s a murky brown for a while, soap suds flooding the drain as you rinse his hair out. It takes three times to rinse all the dirt from his hair, but eventually the water runs clear rather than dirty brown. He stands quietly the whole time, his eyes closed to keep soap from them.

There’s a sense of domestic calmness that washes over you as he leans into your touch, patiently waiting as you wash through his hair, the dried blood draining away. It turns softer and softer in your hands as it comes out clean, reminding you slightly like a cat. 

For a moment, you allow yourself to be lost in him, the way he’s curled slightly, sheltering himself from the world rather than his usually confident demeanour. The way he looks so vulnerable, the desire in your chest to tilt his head up and kiss his lips. Then you catch yourself, putting a halt to your mind.

“See? That wasn’t so bad, was it?” you hum, rinsing off your hands so there wasn’t soap left on them.

“It was… tolerable,” he grumbles, staring down at the ground and avoiding your eyes.

“Oh come on shorty, don’t lie we can all see you’re blushing,” Hange teases from next to him, jokingly nudging his shoulder with their elbow.

“Shut it foureyes!” he shouts, spinning to glare at them instead. 

They simply chuckle and pat his head, offering to wash off his back for him. Your attention is drawn from the two of them by Erwin tapping your shoulder. Turning around you try and avoid staring at him like a teenager given their first pin-up poster, blush dusting your cheeks as you scold yourself for daring to look at your friend in such a manner.

“Want me to wash your hair?” he asks, drawing your attention so you stare up at him, noticing the small trickle of dried blood on the side of his face.

“Erwin, you’re bleeding,” you point out, reaching up to rest your hand on the side of his face. Blunt trauma to the side of his head, yet your hand comes back clean.

“I cleaned it, I’ll fix it after we finish- turn around, I’ll wash your hair,” he orders- no, requests. You can deny him if you wanted, yet you find yourself turning around so that your back faces him.

“I highly doubt you just hit a tree,” he mumbles as he pours the shampoo on your hair.

“It was just a tree,” you protest. You know it’s a lie, you’d crashed into the tree, your blade scraping across your back. You knew it was bad, you just weren’t prepared to admit it to them.

“Mike hit a tree and it looks half as bad as that,” Erwin argues, a gentleness to his tone as you keep your eyes closed. 

You can practically feel him breathing against the top of your head, his chest nearly pressed against your back. The proximity is making your heart hammer loud enough you swear he can hear it. You try and force yourself to stop, but you can’t. 

You’ve been losing control of yourself for weeks, teetering dangerously close over the edge to confessing. Yet every time you do, your mind circles back to “who”. You can’t possibly have all four of them, life’s never easy. Yet in the dead of night, you found yourself wishing it was possible.

“Maybe this was a bigger tree,” you mumble, tilting your head back as he rinses out your hair.

He goes silent for a long while, rinsing out your hair carefully before placing the showerhead back in it’s holder. You tilt your head back, your heart thundering about the possibility of him walking off, but instead he brushes your hair back so it’s away from your shoulder and a clothe is pressed to your wound. 

You flinch at the sting of chemicals, but a strong hand on your shoulder keeps you steady so he can clean out the wound. His touch is free of any heavy handedness, gently brushing away dirt and blood as he holds you carefully.

Tears prick up to the corners of your eyes as he rinses out the clothe and returns to cleaning, leaning forwards to whisper in your ear:  
“You’re doing so well, I’m almost done.”

Instinctively, you reach a hand up to place it over the one on your shoulder holding you still.   
“O-okay,” you manage to reply, the words wavering and giving away your wrecked emotional state.

In an instant, someone moves in front of you to distract you. You’re met with the smile of Hange, void of glasses as they put their hands on your cheeks.

“Hey, (Y/N), don’t cry. He’s almost done,” they murmur, brushing their thumbs against your cheeks.

A sniffle escapes your nose as you nod your head, yet you cannot stop the tears leaking down your cheeks.

They remain in front of you until Erwin finishes, murmuring words of encouragement and keeping your focus on their face. It’s not hard to find yourself lost in their eyes, you could spend days lost in them without regret. You can’t stop yourself before their name stumbles from your lips, intent on telling them how you feel.

“Hange, I-” you start to say before they cut you off.

“I know. We’ll get you fixed up soon,” they murmur, giving you a reassuring smile.

You close your mouth, swallowing your words as you nod your head. You’re not sure what they thought you meant, but perhaps it was for the best that they stopped you. Perhaps they really did know and they were avoiding the topic. Perhaps you were just that obvious.

“All done, let’s get both of you bandaged up, okay?” Erwin hums, rubbing his thumb on your shoulder where he still had his hand resting.

“Mike’s patching up Levi in your room Erwin, so let’s get our butts there,” Hange explains, stepping out from under the water and passing you a towel.

“Hange, where do you think you’re going?” Erwin asks, folding his arms as you dry off your hair carefully.

“Er- to your room?” they say with a nervous chuckle.

“I didn’t see you wash any part of yourself off. You’re still dripping dirty water. Get back here,” he orders, making them go stalk still and shuffle back to the water. 

“I’m fine, just a little dirty. Honestly,” Hange fibs as you carefully tie the towel around your body.

“(Y/N), go see Mike. He’ll help patch you up, I’ll be there shortly when Hange’s clean,” Erwin explains, ignoring Hange’s protests.

You nod your head, going towards the door. You’re quick to turn away from him to avoid him from seeing the sad expression written across your face. You close the door quietly, heading down the hallway to the Commander’s quarters and knocking on the door.

“Open!” Mike’s voice calls from inside. 

Slowly, you push open the door, stepping inside. There’s a small entrance to put your shoes and gear before rounding a corner past the bathroom door to the large king-sized bed that currently held two of your friends.

Levi was staring holes into the floor as Mike sat behind him, wrapping bandages around his head. His torso was already wrapped up, as well as both his arms and part of his leg. Mike was still void of bandages, paying his attention to Levi.

You cross over to them as he finishes up the bandages on Levi.

“(Y/N), come on and sit down, I’ll patch you up,” Mike offers, gesturing to the spot next to Mike.

“What about you? You’re in worse shape than I am,” you point out the way he was barely moving his shoulders, and how he was so curled over on himself.

“Doesn’t matter, you need bandages, right?” Mike doges the comment, holding out the bandages from the medical kit.

You take them before he can stop you, moving to sit behind him.  
“I might need more, you are rather large,” you hum, spreading one of the gauze panels across the bark-burn on his back.

He flinches under your touch as Levi lays himself out on the bed next to you, watching the two of you with an unimpressed glare. Mike takes shallow breaths as you bandage him, his head tilted down to his lap.

It takes quiet some time for you to wrap his torso and shoulders, he remains still with his head hung low the entire time. There’s no words out of his mouth as he sits there silently.

To you, it feels like a knife stuck in your chest to watch the usually bubbly man so silent. Carefully after bandaging up the last part, you lean forwards and wrap your arms around him from behind, resting your head in the crook of his neck. He freezes in your arms, your heart beating rapidly out of fear he’d toss you off, until he places his hands on yours.

“Take care of yourself too,” you whisper quietly.

“I’d rather take care of the four of you first,” he mumbles back, still hanging his head.

“Then let us help you too,” a voice argues next to you, turning your attention to Levi who apparently hadn’t been sleeping.

Before you can stop yourself, you let out a small chuckle.  
“I thought you were asleep, shorty,” you point out, letting go of Mike to turn to look at the now sitting up Levi, propped up by his elbow.

“Good, pay attention to Mike instead of me. I was perfectly fine pretending to be asleep,” he grumbles, pulling the covers around himself.

You lean over, smoothing out the covers and adjusting them so they laid comfortably over him. He grumbles, watching your every move. When you look up to meet his gaze, he turns his face away, light blush dusting across his cheeks.

“Don’t waste your time on me, brat,” he mumbles with a sigh escaping his lips as he faces the window instead.

“You’re not a waste of time, Levi,” you whisper, reaching up and brushing the hair back away from his eyes, slowly turning his head to face you.

“You have three other people who’d be a much better waste of time than me,” he sighs, continuing to stare out the window.

“I’d rather waste my time on all of you than choose one. I couldn’t imagine a world where I didn’t care for you four, including you, even if you are a brat,” you confess, his head still tilted to yours as his eyes draw to you. It’s vague enough to explain it as friendship, yet your heart is in your throat.

You’re frozen in place as he wraps his arms around your neck, staring you in the eyes as if he was trying to reach your soul through them.  
“You really are an idiot.”

“If I’m such an idiot, then kiss some brains into me,” you tease back, leaping off the edge you’d been standing on for months.

You didn’t expect him to lean up and actually do it. It doesn’t register in your mind until his lips are pressed against yours, his eyes screwed shut. You lean into the kiss, stroking your thumb back and forth against his cheek as he holds onto you as if you were life itself.

When you pull back, gasping for air, Mike lets out a chuckle.  
“So he gets a kiss for being grumpy yet I just get a hug when I’m sad?” he jokes, falling back to lay down next to you.

“I mean, if you want I can- I didn’t think you’d-” you stutter, your mind failing you.

A hand reaches up, guiding you over to his lips as Levi relinquishes his hold on your neck.  
“Just kiss me, (Y/N),” he mumbles, bringing you down to his level.

Between his gentle tone and his soft touches, your mind allows you to lose control. You press your lips to his, his hand idly running through your wet hair as he sits up again, bringing you with him.

“Mike, can you not keep your lips off (Y/N) long enough to bandage them first?” a voice cuts through the kiss, forcing you two apart to meet the gaze of a smiling Erwin, shaking his head as Hange trails in after him.

“Don’t tell me I missed the make out session!” Hange whines, flopping their head back dramatically.

“Come on four-eyes, I’ll bandage you up and then you’ll get your kiss,” Levi grumbles, picking up a roll of bandages and waving Hange over.

They beam, practically dashing over to sit in front of Levi. You catch him smiling slightly out of the corner of your eye as Erwin walks over, his arms folded across his chest.

“You jealous?” Mike asks, resting his chin on top of your head.

“Preposterous, I’m happy for you two,” he grumbles, avoiding both of your gazes.

“Erwin, if you keep pouting I’ll never be able to reach your head to bandage it,” you chuckle, grabbing two rolls of bandages, passing one to Mike.

“I- I don’t need you to bandage me. I can do it myself,” he grumbles, staring at the bed next to you.

With a dramatic sigh, you reach your hands up, wrapping them around his neck. You’d be damned if you didn’t get everyone after all the bullshit they’d put you through.

“Coward,” you tease, staring him dead in the eyes with a smile stretched across your lips.  
He blinks, his eyebrows rising on his forehead as his cheeks grew red.  
“P-pardon?” he stammers, finally meeting your gaze.

“Titans save me, I think I’ve fallen in love,” you sigh dramatically, pulling him down to your level. Recalling all those months ago when you’d first met the four of them.

“Are you going to leave again?” he whispers, placing a hand on the side of your jaw and tilting your chin slightly.

“I couldn’t leave even if I wanted to. I’ve been here too long,” you mumble, leaning forwards and pressing your lips to his. 

He meets you halfway, pushing back against you as he grips your jaw so you don’t pull back. You’re hyper aware of the fact you’re leaning against Mike’s chest as he chuckles, pressing a kiss to the back of your head. There’s a cheer from Hange as they’re bandaged by Levi, watching the two of you.

“Guess even the Captain can’t escape the three of you,” Levi grumbles as he finishes up Hange’s bandages.

“Guess you're stuck with me too, Captain,” you chuckle, finally coming up for air.

“There isn’t a better group to be stuck with,” Levi quietly whispers, staring holes into Hange’s back.

“Aww! We love you too Levi!” Hange declares, throwing their arms around him.

“Let me finish first, four-eyes!” he protests as they hug him.

A chuckle escapes your lips. Perhaps they were worth wasting your time on.

**Author's Note:**

> Side note, chapter 137 has me in tears. Absolute perfection.


End file.
